Everybody Down - The Navy Lark Wiki

Opening remarks[]

  • Michael: We all try to get something for nothing.
  • Phillips: Ha, ha, ha, ha. As Lady Chatterley said to her game keeper.
  • Michael: Quiet. In other words, if we see something we fancy, we appreciate it a lot more if we're offered a bit off.
  • Phillips: Ho, ho, ho, ho. As Lady Chatterley said er...
  • Michael: Do you mind, Mr Phillips?
  • Pertwee: Ha-ha! Lady Chatterley didn't.
  • Michael: I shall finish this announcement if it kills me. We all like a bargain and my wife, like all wives, is no exception. Only last week I was taking her to the Michael Aspel Family Favourites Awards Ball. She wanted a new pair of shoes but, err, fortunately the sales were on and that evening she returned with a brand-new pair of shoes which had been slashed from five pounds ten old money to five pounds fifty.
  • Murray: Six to four they were a size to small.
  • Phillips: And she couldn't dance in them.
  • Michael: They were. And she did. But the next day it cost me three quid in chiropodist fees.
  • Phillips: There was a free bargain in my comic last week.
  • Pertwee: Yes Sir?
  • Phillips: Mmm. It offered a special bargain offer of a kite with a Mickey Mouse face on it for only five new pees, or generous easy terms with your money back guaranteed if not satisfied within ten days.
  • Pertwee: Five new pence for a kite? Huh that must have been a bargain.
  • Phillips: No, it wasn't no. It didn't look a bit like Mickey Mouse, it wouldn't fly and it cost me twenty pence to send it back.
  • Michael: Now I wouldn't joke about bargains if I were you Chief because something's gone very wrong with the one you've negotiated with your Uncle Ebenezer at his War Surplus Emporium.
  • Pertwee: What? Oh, excuse me. (Whoosh FX).

Season 13
The TV Documentary I The P.O.W. Escape Exercise I Number One's Married Quarters I Operating for Profit I The Bumble Spit Lighthouse Affair I The Tonipouhaha Treasure I The U.S.A. Navigator Swap I Son Of A Sea Lord I Hypnotising Ramona I The Master of Sardinia I Opportunity Knockers I Friday The 13th I The New NAAFI