Troutbridge ends up being hijacked by a pair of foreign guests.
My wife and I often have uninvited guests and now through constant practice I can hide the booze in 59 seconds flat. Well, Chief Petty Officer Pertwee is an uninvited guest where ever he goes. The only time he was invited somewhere his hosts spotted all their cutlery for sale in the window of Ebenezer Pertwee's War Surplus Emporium. Luckily, after mentioning C.P.O. Pertwee's name, Nunkie gave them a discount. Ships are like houses, they have their quota of uninvited guests too. Troutbridge has got one this morning, in the loud and menacing shape of Captain Povey.
Povey arrives at Troutbridge to prepare the crew for a visit from The Admiral and some visiting foreign officials and after waking them up, sets them to cleaning up the ship.
The Admiral promptly arrives with the visitors and they are piped aboard by Pertwee 'Oh Shut Up! - blasted thing goes right through my head like a saw'
The Admiral introduces the two visitors as being from the Forebodian Embassy
- The Admiral: 'This one's name is Igor Astakarnovitch or some such rot'
Igor: 'Pleased to meet me. I am delightful!'
The Admiral: 'And this bouncing bird here is Natasha Snogitoff'
Natasha: 'Bottoms up, and how are you doings!'
The Admiral leaves telling the crew to show the Ambassadors the ship and take them for a quick jaunt round the harbour. Left alone with the Forebodians, the crew are at a loss to communicate with them
- Sub Lt Phillips: 'Sprakens de Dutch?'
Natasha: 'Oh yah'
Sub Lt Phillips: 'That’s a pity - we don’t!'
But they get by with the limited English Igor and Natasha can speak. After a while Pertwee observes some odd behaviour - Igor seems to be talking into a match box and Natasha insists on taking photos of Mr Phillips
- Natasha: 'Now I have radar mast in view finder, and also aerials and secret electronic equipment'
Sub Lt Phillips: 'Oh good, I wanted it with a naval background'
No.1 dismisses the odd behavior and orders Torutbridge to set sail
Shortly after setting sail, the Forbodians hi-jack the ship and order the crew to set sail to, 'The Zidderzi and Omsterdom' When asked why they don’t just sail straight to Forebodia, Mr Phillips offers the answer,
- Sub Lt Phillips: 'When they land in Omsterdom there'll be a fast car waiting for them, which will take them to a deserted airfeild on the other side of town, where there's a light aircraft waiting with it's engine running - which will take them over the Pyranees, where they'll pararchute down to a deserted telephone box, on the fourth mountain from the right. There they'll receive their instructions by phone, which they will eat immediatly afterwards. And get into this rubber dingy and row silently across the mist shrouded lake, to an old castle where they'll climb up the haunted clock tower. And on the last stroke of midnight a helicopter will pick them up and fly them to a deserted mine in Transylvania, where they'll be given two bathing costumes by a peasent in a beard, with a patch over his left eye, so they can swim the torrential river onto the south bank where they'll colloct two uniforms and bicycles, so they can peddle their ankles off to the Forebodian border!'
Natasha: 'Amazing! How did you know our plans?'
Sub Lt Phillips: 'Simple, I saw the film'
When Igor and Natasha leave the bridge, No.1 calls the WT room and tries to get WT operator to signal Captain Povey about their predicament - but the Forebodians have sabotaged the radio
Back at Portsmouth, Povey is contacted by Commander Whetherby and is told that Troutbridge was hi-jacked and that the Forebodian officials were really spies. On Troutbridge, with the armoury sealed by the Forebodians, the crew devise a plan to take back the ship
- 'We need a plan combining cleverness with subtlness and ingenuity'
'Exaclty Sir, what had you in mind?'
'You and Tiddy stand on the deck above their cabin door, and belt them with the gash bin when they come out!'
They carry out the plan, but fail to hit the desired targets and clobber Mr Phillips instead. Whetherby calls Povey again to tell him that Troutbridge has been seen going up Thames and that he should meet him with the River Police at Tower Bridge
Aboard Troutbridge No.1 notices they're not where they should be and questions Mr Phillips about their location, 'Are you questioning my navigational ability?' The Forebodians also think something is wrong and come to the bridge to find out what is wrong. A police launch then pulls up alongside and Pertwee has his usual reaction, 'I never saw nothing. And in any case I wasn't there when whatever it was got nicked by whoever it was!' The Forebodians are arrested and the Admiral comes aboard and tells them that there will be a banquet in their honour - much to Povey's annyance
'They just struck lucky as usual, they don't deserve any credit!'
Cast and Crew
- WREN Chasen/Natasha Snogitoff - Heather Chasen
- Captain Povey - Richard Caldicot
- Commander Murray - Stephen Murray
- CPO Pertwee/Commander Whetherby - Jon Pertwee
- SL Phillips - Leslie Phillips
- The Padre/Igor Astracarnovitch - ?Michael Bates?
- The Admiral/Intelligence - Tenniel Evans
- Ableseaman Tiddy - Laurie Wyman
- Written By: Laurie Wyman
- Produced By: Alastair Scott Johnson