Everybody Down - The Navy Lark Wiki


The crew of HMS Troutbridge become involved in The Bergan Horse Trials.

Opening remarks[]

  • Barri: Meeting people, either socially or professionally, is always interesting even in the queue of the Labour Exchange, or as we now know it, The Ministry of Social Security.
  • Man: Oh, erm, eh, eh, morning Guv. Here, makes you sick how they make us queue up every Monday and Friday just to collect our rights, don't it?
  • 2nd man: Of course this is my first week but I do see what you mean. It is all rather humiliating.
  • Man: Yeah, yes, well never mind about that. All I'm saying is, makes you sick, don't it? Makes you sick. Anyone'd think it was their money they was handing out, when I last worked in 1953.
  • Official: Come on now, we haven't got all day. Get in line.
  • Man: Hark at him, go on, hark at him. This new manager's a proper little Hitler, isn't he? Here, hang on. Did you say this was your first time in the sign-here-and-that's-your-lot queue?
  • 2nd Man: Yes, I did.
  • Man: Well that's flippin' odd, I could have sworn I've seen you at the Labour before.
  • 2nd Man: You have. Up to last week I was the manager of the Exchange.
  • Barri: You can even have unexpected meetings when you're alone in your car and trapped in a traffic jam.
  • (Knock on window)
  • Woman: Go away.
  • (Knock on window)
  • Woman: Oh, just a minute I'll wind the window down. Right, now what do you want?
  • Man: Here, madam, I've got something to interest you.
  • Woman: I doubt it. Go away!
  • Man: No really, I have. Want to buy a stolen?
  • Woman: A stolen what?
  • Man: You name it, I've had a good year!
  • Barri: You're not even safe in your home. Just as you're settling down to a meal, what happens?
  • (Doorbell ringing)
  • Man: Oh blast. Well what is it?
  • Visitor: Hello, squire. Here, here I won... I wond... I wondd... Here... I wondered if you could ass... assit mi...ass... I wonder if you could... ass...ass... give me some, blurgh, help?
  • Man: You're drunk!
  • Visitor: You're jealous!
  • Man: Now I'm in the middle of a meal so what is it you want? And be quick about it.
  • Visitor: Yes, certainly. Here I wonder... I wonder if you can direct me to the hosp.. hosp... I wonder if you can direct me to the o... offices-es of that magnifice... magnificent organisation, called alco... alco... alco... alc... alcoholics amomi... amonominous?
  • Man: Oh, alcoholics anonymous. Congratulations. I take it you want to join?
  • Visitor: Not flaming likely! Hic, I want to resign.
  • Barri: Of course, all meetings aren't unexpected. Commander Murray on board H.M.S. Troutbridge, which is sailing to Borgholm in Sweden with the other seventeen ships of the squadron on the goodwill mission, is eagerly looking forward to meeting his wife Rita. By the greatest of good luck, Rita will be in Sweden with her horse, Bouncing Betty and the British show jumping team, to compete for the Coalhiffe Zinkhausen Gold Cup and Trophy.

Season 14
The Montezuela Revolution I The Island Swordfish I Bunged in the Brig (a.k.a. Bunged in the Rattle) I Kangaroo Polka (a.k.a. Kidnapped Down Under) I The Digital Isles Go Unstable I Egbert Hitches a Ride I Povey an Admiral at Last I The Bergan Horse Trials I Captain Povey's Wig I Brain Pill I Operation Showcase (a.k.a. Demonstrating Their Fire Power) I Living the High Life (a.k.a. CPO Pertwee Yachtmonger) I The Talpinium Shell