Everybody Down - The Navy Lark Wiki

Opening remarks[]

  • (Hooter fx)
  • Phillips: Hey, hey. Hey who did that? Who touched Loveable Leslie's hooter?
  • Murray: I did Mr Phillips. I was bored.
  • Pertwee: Well, really Commander Murray, Sir. That's no reason to go around touching other people's hooters.
  • Murray: Gentleman I would ask you to cast your eyes around Portsmouth harbour and tell me what you see.
  • Phillips: Erm. Eees. Quite a lot of water and, erm, a crane or two.
  • Pertwee: Yeah and err, erm, an engine driver all in his piston, before he has a quick shunt.
  • Murray: Exactly. The only ship of the entire Home Fleet in sight is Troutbridge. The rest of them are all out on a N.A.T.O. exercise, proving their worth.
  • Pertwee: Yeah, good luck to 'em. Here I'm hoping to prove my worth tonight. Yeah with the barmaid at the Cockle's Head. Colossal Cleavage Clara. Ye-ha-ha-ha.
  • Murray: Just for once Chief try to put your mind above such... err things. Don't you realise that because of this embarrassing situation with Troutbridge being ignored, it can only mean one thing. We're regarded as inefficient. And we all know whose fault that is. Don't we?
  • Phillips: No.
  • Pertwee: I think he means you, Mr Phillips Sir.
  • Murray: Precisely Chief. Our navigational nana. Thanks to Ludicrous Leslie it can only be a matter of time before Troutbridge is broken up and turned into non-stick saucepans and I've lost my command.
  • (knock and door opening)
  • Goldstein: Oh hello. I'm glad I found you in. Admiring the view, are you? Lonely isn't it?
  • Murray: That'll do Goldstein. What do you want?
  • Goldstein: Nothing. But Captain Povey does. He wants you, Sir, and your well known erm, he-he, he-he, Navigation Officer in his office a bit sharpish, and I wouldn't hang about because he was in a rotten mood when he gave me the message, a-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Season 15
Sequel to the Talpinium Shell I NANA I Helen, the New Wren I Relief for Station 150 I Black is Beautiful I Sidney and the Stamp I Riding to Victory I Horrible Horace I Officer's and Gent's Lib I The Case of the HGM Mark 5 I Uncle Wilberforce Pertwee