Everybody Down - The Navy Lark Wiki
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This entry is about the episode. For info about the similarly named event, please see Operation Showcase (Event).

Opening remarks[]

  • Barri: Of course, by now the rest of the common market countries will have realised how lucky they are that Britain has joined them. Britain has so much to offer the world.
  • Phillips: I agree. Who else but the British could have built a vast motorway system, regardless of cost, covering the entire country where it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter which motorway you take you end up stuck in a gigantic traffic jam at either end.
  • Voice: Who else but the British have an organisation respected and revered for its blinding and remarkable efficiency such as The Gas Board?
  • Gasman: Huh, well there you are Gov. One gas poker fitted and in full working order, Mr Hayes.
  • Barri: It's Mr Haynes actually and thank you, so much.
  • Gasman: Course, it was the manufacturers fault in the first place that it took us six months to complete fitting the poker. I mean, we've been here often enough, Mr Hayes.
  • Barri: Haynes actually and yes, you have.
  • Gasman: Yeah, well, we'll be able to get somebody in to tidy up them floorboards for you Mr Hayes.
  • Barri: Haynes actually and yes, of course. Now we've got a fire we shan't notice the draft so much. Here's something for your trouble.
  • (Coins clinking)
  • Gasman: Eh? Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho. Well it won't go too far these days but it was a very nice gesture Mr Hayes.
  • Barri: Haynes actually and I'm so sorry.
  • (Coins clinking).
  • Gasman: Ah, ta. Well, one gas poker well and truly fitted to the customer's satisfaction. Right, on to the next job. It's a gas lighter. Come on Fred, Charlie, Harold, Cyril, Algy, Cecil, George...
  • Povey: And who else, but the British, would have an internationally renowned institution such as the public house? It's atmosphere is always warm, intimate, friendly and welcoming.
  • (Horn noise)
  • Barmaid: Time, gentlemen please. Finish all drinks, please.
  • Man: Hey! Here just a minute. Here, wait, hang on. Here, that, here that can't be right, madam. Ca, ah, can't be right, here, hang about, here, there's one, one two three of you. I want, I want to speak to the one in the middle.
  • Barmaid: Let's have your glasses, please.
  • Man: I av, I'll have erm, I'll have a, I'll have a bath of a bitter. Yeah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. No, here, no, I mean, I mean, can I, can I have half of b, half of, blugh, can I have half of bitter please?
  • Barmaid: No. It's long past time. Come along, drink up. Let's have your glasses please.
  • Man: Here, hang on. Wai-min. I, I make it s-alf, bl-alf a minute to go. So can I half, can ah, can ah, can I have half, half a bitter please?
  • Barmaid: I've already told you. No! Now empty your glasses please, come along, drink up.
  • Man: (slurred) I only want half a bitter.
  • Barmaid: I've already told you, no drinks after time, now drink up. Let's have your glasses.
  • Man 2: Well I mean, that's a, that, that was pretty, pretty rotten I, I must say. H-how dare you treat a, a cragular rustomer derm, erm, a hah, hold on, hold... a regular customer like that.
  • Man: Here, no.
  • Man 2: What, hmm?
  • Man: No, no. No I'm not a just, a regular customer. No, case you didn't know. I'm, brrrrm, I'm the landlord.
  • Barri: But we do have the finest navy in the world and even they have their problems. I mean problem, H.M.S. Troutbridge. The one ship they wished they'd never launched. Worse still, they wish they'd never sent her on a goodwill mission with the rest of the squadron who are anchored off Gibraltar. At this very moment an urgent, top level meeting is taking place at naval headquarters.


Season 14
The Montezuela Revolution I The Island Swordfish I Bunged in the Brig (a.k.a. Bunged in the Rattle) I Kangaroo Polka (a.k.a. Kidnapped Down Under) I The Digital Isles Go Unstable I Egbert Hitches a Ride I Povey an Admiral at Last I The Bergan Horse Trials I Captain Povey's Wig I Brain Pill I Operation Showcase (a.k.a. Demonstrating Their Fire Power) I Living the High Life (a.k.a. CPO Pertwee Yachtmonger) I The Talpinium Shell
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