Opening remarks[]
(Ship's hooter fx)
- Phillips: Gosh, that's something. At least our hooter still works.
- Murray: Mr Phillips, I haven't signed for the ship yet. Leave everything alone, don't touch!
- Phillips: Are you absolutely sure this ship is old Troutbridge? She doesn't look right.
- Pertwee: Don't Look right?
- Phillips: No.
- Pertwee: Well why not, Sir? She's painted grey, blunt at one end and pointed at the other.
- Phillips: Exactly. The old Troutbridge was blunt at both ends.
- Pertwee: Yeah. Thanks to your attempts to dock at high speed, she was.
- Murray: Course, that's what's bending his little bonce. If a ship isn't covered in dents, patches and temporary repairs she can't possibly be his.
- Phillips: I...I say what's this thing? Looks like a great big typewriter. This wasn't here before. Chief, give us a hand to move it, it's in the way.
- Murray: Leave it alone!
- Pertwee: Ye...eaar...agreed. Look P...p...Pertwee's not going nowhere near it until Pertwee knows what p...possity it's there for.
- Phillips: I say chaps have you noticed? There are two little push buttons. One each side. I wonder what they do?
- Murray and Pertwee: Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Don't touch!
- Phillips: N...Now, there's no need to shout. I was only going to give one of them a little push.
- Pertwee: That's probably all it needs to start World War Three and put us and our brand new un-bent boat into orbit.
- Phillips: If violets are red, and daffodils are blue, which one shall I push? You, or you?
- Murray and Pertwee: Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Don't touch!
- Phillips: That settles it. It's going to be you. What a bit of luck. Red's always been my favourite colour.
- Murray: Aaoh, no! Sound the alarm!
- (Alarm fx)
- Pertwee: Run for your lives! Everybody Down!
- Theme Music