Everybody Down - The Navy Lark Wiki

Opening remarks[]

  • Barri: Well once again I haven't won the pools, my horse lost yesterday and Ernie is still eating my premium bond. Yet some people have lots of money and I'd like to know how they do it.
  • Woman: Erm, excuse me.
  • Shopkeeper: Oh, good morning madam. Lovely morning, can I help you?
  • Woman: Oh, yes please. It's just that I bought these shirts for my husband last week and he doesn't like 'em.
  • Shopkeeper: Oh yes, madam?
  • Woman: Well I, I wondered if you'd be good enough to take em back.
  • Shopkeeper: I'm awfully sorry madam but we don't take goods back once they've been sold.
  • Woman: But what about the notice on the wall? It says 'your money back if not satisfactory.'
  • Shopkeeper: But madam, your money was perfectly satisfactory.
  • Barri: And then of course you never quite know when money is going to walk into your life, do you?
  • Mr Hessheimer: Thank you madam, good bye. Oi, oi. Big deal. Our first customer for two months, Felicity, and all she bought was one reel of cotton, and she wanted to pay for that with green shield stamps, yet.
  • Felicity: Well Mr Hessheimer, dance for all occasions. Shall I put down the sun blind or take the dresses out of the window? They're beginning to fade.
  • Mr Hessheimer: Take the dresses out of the window Felicity, I can't afford the wear and tear on the sun blind. Oh my life, don't bother now, Felicity, we've got a customer.
  • Customer: Ah, good morning.
  • Mr Hessheimer: Good morning, Sir. Can I get you anything? A sports coat perhaps? A pair of booties for your little boy? Would you like to make a phone call? Nothing's too much trouble.
  • Customer: No, no, no. No, nothing like that I represent the Anthony Singleton Management Group and we're planning to open a large chain of shops similar to yours. All over the country.
  • Mr Hessheimer: I see.
  • Customer: In short we're looking for a responsible man to run them for us.
  • Mr Hessheimer: Really, really?
  • Customer: Yes, for the right man there'll be a starting salary of twenty thousand pounds a year.
  • Mr Hessheimer: No!
  • Customer: A pension, a car on firm, and one of our country houses in Weybridge.
  • Mr Hessheimer: Oi, oi, oi already.
  • Customer: Being utterly frank Mr Hessheimer, the board of Anthony Singleton Management Group feel that you might be the right man for us.
  • Mr Hessheimer: I'm made. I'm a, I'm a tycoon. Father, Ab, are you listening up there? Your son is a success.
  • Customer: There's only one thing we must know because this is a policy of the board.
  • Mr Hessheimer: Yes.
  • Customer: Are you Jewish?
  • Mr Hessheimer: Not necessarily.
  • Barri: Of course there are people with money because they never spend any. Particularly, as legend has it, north of the border.
  • Mr Turnbull: Oh blast. That'll be him again.
  • Man: Oh, I'm, ah, I'm sorry to trouble you again Mr Turnbull, but I, I wondered if you'd give me a wee hand to strip the wallpaper off the walls of my house?
  • Mr Turnbull: Oh, are you redecorating?
  • Man: No. I'm moving.
  • Barri: There are occasions where expense is absolutely no object. No more so than when H.M.S. Troutbridge is docking in Toulon, in the south of France.

Season 14
The Montezuela Revolution I The Island Swordfish I Bunged in the Brig (a.k.a. Bunged in the Rattle) I Kangaroo Polka (a.k.a. Kidnapped Down Under) I The Digital Isles Go Unstable I Egbert Hitches a Ride I Povey an Admiral at Last I The Bergan Horse Trials I Captain Povey's Wig I Brain Pill I Operation Showcase (a.k.a. Demonstrating Their Fire Power) I Living the High Life (a.k.a. CPO Pertwee Yachtmonger) I The Talpinium Shell