Opening remarks[]
- Michael: Sub-Lieutenant Phillips' navigation methods rather follow along the lines of that other pursuer of lofty and completely impractical methods, Don Quick-sote.
- Murray: Now isn't that odd? I always say Don Quixote.
- Pertwee: Do you really, Mr Murray Sir? I always thought it was Don Quick-sott. What's your vote, Mr Phillips Sir?
- Phillips: Well I don't see what it's got to do with me, I never drink the beastly stuff.
- Michael: Need I say more?
- Murray: Not really, but you will.
- Pertwee: Yeah, you always do Mr De Morgan. I've never known anybody with a cakehole so jam packed full of continuous verboss-ities.
- Phillips: Now isn't that odd? I always thought it was verbose-ities.
- Michael: Oh shut up the lot of you!
- Pertwee: Ooh! Ooh how common.
- Phillips: He's just not our class, is he?
- Murray: No, he's never been the same since he was promoted from using liquid soap in the announcer's washroom. Given a key to the cupboard where they keep the bar of proper soap and allowed to use it in the John Snagge Memorial Gents.
- Michael: Now look here, will you stop talking complete nonsense?
- Pertwee: So that you can?
- Michael: Ye... No! Ladies and gentlemen, as I was saying, Sub-Lieutenant Phillips' navigation is pretty dodgy at the best of times but any change in orders whilst he is at the helm is a certain disaster. Particularly when he's within the confined space of Portsmouth harbour entrance.