Opening remarks[]
- Robin: Now I shan't keep you long but I want a word with all the people who so kindly sent me 15-sided nuts for my vacuum cleaner last year...
- Pertwee: Oh Stone me, here we go again. Look, what have you lost this time Mr Boyle, announcer of this parish?
- Robin: Well I haven't lost anything, it's been nicked out of my office and I can't find a new one anywhere.
- Phillips: Oh we'll have to ask him what it was I suppose, Sir?
- Murray: If we don't he'll never wrap up until we do, you know what he's like?
- Phillips: Yes. Old fussy trousers.
- Murray: Oh come now. Anyone who wears trousers like that can't be fussy. Mr Boyle, I said err.... anyone who err...
- Robin: If you're quite finished!
- Pertwee: Mr Boyle, err... fussy trousers of this parish, err... what is it that's been nicked out of your office?
- Robin: At last! Well, ladies and gentlemen, some callous brute has stolen my calendar, and for someone who reads the news it's jolly important for me to know what day it is. However, this wasn't just any old calendar, it was a special one, which displayed some rather saucy pictures of Miss Lillian Gish. So... so if any of you have a saucy Lillian Gish calendar please send it to me, Robin Boyle, care of the BBC, Portland Place, London, West 1 and...
- Pertwee: Dirty old devil!
- Robin: Mr Pertwee, please! You're ruining my chances of getting another saucy Lillian Gish calendar for my office
- Pertwee: I'm surprised you've got room for one. I heard it was completely full of 15-sided nuts.
- Robin: It was.
- Pertwee: Well, never mind about your office, what about Captain Povey's?
- Robin: Ah yes, all is not well there either. An ill wind has blown in absolutely no good at all. He's caught a stinker.