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Opening remarks[]

  • Barri: These days most of us find that life is anything but a game.
  • Murray: Ah! Ah, Ee, at last. I've been waiting for someone to use the word game in the opening announcement for the last fourteen years.
  • Barri: Why?
  • Pertwee and Phillips: Because he knows a game and he's dying to tell us about it.
  • Murray: No, no, no. No, no really chaps. It's a jolly good game. It's called Mixed Up Marriages. It's a very difficult game so, err, don't feel too badly about it if you can't think of any to begin with.
  • Pertwee and Phillips: Any what to begin where?
  • Murray: A-ha! Ah, I knew you'd be excited. I, I'll give you an example. You take a famous girl's Christian name and put it with a famous chap's surname and get a funny answer. For instance, Tuesday Weld the actress marries David Knight the actor so she becomes Tuesday Knight.
  • Phillips: Oh I see. Well, you go first as you know the game Commander Murray, Sir.
  • Murray: No, no, no, no, You, you two have a go. You'll find it a bit tricky till you get the hang of it.
  • Pertwee: No, it's alright Sir. No, I...I've got one.
  • Murray: Mmm?
  • Pertwee: Yeah! If Annie Ross the singer marries John Lawrie the actor, she'd end up as Annie Lawrie.
  • Murray: Well n...n...not bad.
  • Phillips: Yeah, i... if Winnie Shaw the tennis player marries Lot the biblical character she ends up as Winnie-Lot.
  • Murray: Ah, now, now, now that's a cheat! Now, erm, i...i...if Beau Brummell marries, erm, err no.
  • Barri: If Chelsea Brown the entertainer marries Lloyd Bridges, she becomes Chelsea Bridges.
  • Murray: You keep out of this.
  • Phillips: If Henry the Eighth's wife Catherine Parr married Charles Lamb instead, she'd have become a Parr-Lamb.
  • Murray: That's another cheat. Now, if Minnie Mouse marries King Kong, err, no that's ridiculous in the first place. Now, err...
  • Pertwee: H...h...here how about if Dinah Sheridan married Robert Shaw, she'd end up as a prehistoric Dinah-Shaw.
  • Murray: Yeah, y...y...yeah not bad. Now, now, now...
  • Phillips: If Goldie Hawn married the cricketer Tony Lock she'd become a Goldie Lock.
  • Murray: Wait a minute, wait a minute now, now...
  • Pertwee: Eh, e...here and if Honour Blackman married Richard Todd she'd end up On-Her-Todd.
  • Murray: I... I I've got one. I... I've got one. If, if, ha, heh, heh, if Queen Victoria married Mark Twain, ha, he, hu-hum, she'd end up as a Victoria Twain. Ha, ha, ha...
  • Pertwee and Phillips: That's a cheat!
  • Murray: I don't know why I bothered to suggest it. It's a, it's a rotten game anyway.
  • Barri: Life is also anything but a game to the crew of H.M.S. Troutbridge. Especially Captain Povey who's due to find out very shortly on what is supposed to be a good will mission to Manila, Capitol of the Philippines.


Season 14
The Montezuela Revolution I The Island Swordfish I Bunged in the Brig (a.k.a. Bunged in the Rattle) I Kangaroo Polka (a.k.a. Kidnapped Down Under) I The Digital Isles Go Unstable I Egbert Hitches a Ride I Povey an Admiral at Last I The Bergan Horse Trials I Captain Povey's Wig I Brain Pill I Operation Showcase (a.k.a. Demonstrating Their Fire Power) I Living the High Life (a.k.a. CPO Pertwee Yachtmonger) I The Talpinium Shell
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